what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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