I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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