can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
