I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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