im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
