My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
