You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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