if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
