Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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