think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
