I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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