I wanna bring you to show and tell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i came on her dog
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize