Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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