the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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