It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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