Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
