At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
