when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
