Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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