I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
