You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I could make wine with my vomit
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
