just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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