Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
