Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize