He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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