return my video game
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
