i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
