The maid of honor just puked.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
