i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
