I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
