She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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