in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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