saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
