do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm always down for nudity.
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