people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
