no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
