...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
