I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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