Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
