I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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