Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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