You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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