I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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