love makes seman taste better
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
