Old men and throwing up are my life now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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