I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
