youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
