News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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