Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
