Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
