omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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