I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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