please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
