one might say we're banned from that church
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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