i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
