Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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