guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
