I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
