Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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