You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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