Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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