Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
