I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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