If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
