yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize