I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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