I showed him my bush... on skype.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
