Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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