spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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